[TELEPHONE RINGS]
Hello?
[SIGHS] Wait. Who was on the phone?
Gah! [LAUGHS]
Screw it. I'm out.
I've been wanting someone to pass me those dumplings
for half an hour, but I don't know how to say,
"Gimme them dumps" in Mandarin.
S04E16 Ride the Tiger
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
♪ I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go ♪
♪ If you don't know, homey, now you know ♪
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
♪ Homey, you don't know where I come from ♪
♪ But I know where I'm goin' ♪
♪ I'm fresh off the boat ♪
sync and corrected by ninh www.addic7ed.com
Happy Year of the Tiger, Dad!
Yeah, yeah, lots of luck and profits.
What the heck is this?
You know how much I love school dances.
Why didn't you tell me?
I'm sorry. I totally meant to tell you, but I forgot.
So, this wasn't a deliberate attempt to rob me of joy?
No. I'm happy you know, and really excited to go.
Oh. Relief. [CHUCKLES]
So, who's your date to the dance?
I don't have one yet.
I've been waiting till Chinese New Year
to ask out this girl I have a crush on... Celeste.
Why would you wait until New Year?
Because according to the Chinese zodiac,
it marks the official end of my bad luck year.
This year has been brutal... Zits on the first day of school,
girls ignoring me left and right,
rogue sprinklers attacking me outside.
I have noticed you've been wet a lot.
Plus, my letters to the editor of TV Guide
in support of "Dharma & Greg" didn't get printed.
I mean, it is a solid show. [CHUCKLES]
Anyway, now I can ask out Celeste
without fear of my bad luck getting in the way.
Hey, before you do, you want some spritzes of my CK One?
Not really.
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
What are they doing?
[RINGING CONTINUES]
That's me trying to call you. Why aren't you picking up?
Uh... what?
[LOUIS SIGHS] [RINGING CONTINUES]
That's annoying.
Hello?
Hey, Pizza Town!
I'd like to order an extra-large Meat Lovers.
No, Marvin...
And some garlic knots and, uh...
[TELEPHONE BEEPS]
Louis, why are Jessica and Evan speaking Chinese to me?
They've challenged each other to see
who can speak Mandarin longest.
And as you know, neither of them like to lose.
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
You know what? I got to get to work.
You guys can handle this one.
[RINGING CONTINUES] Oh. Uh...
[TELEPHONE BEEPS]
Hello?
Uh... yes, she is here.
Uh, y... I'm gonna put you on speakerphone.
[TELEPHONE BEEPS] GUS: Hello, Jessica!
It's Gus and Mey-Mey,
The Gemini Award-winning co-hosts
of "Good Morning Orlando"!
Yay!
Well... "Yay" right back at ya!
[LAUGHS]
Listen, we know it's short notice,
but we would love to have you on the show
to promote your upcoming book,
"A Case of a Knife to the Brain."
Fun title!
Stab! Stab!
[LAUGHING] Oh, come on!
Now, we're gonna level with you, Jess.
We're also calling because we're in serious hot water
for not doing a segment about the Lunar New Year.
Yeah, Connie Chung called, and she was... pissed.
Welp, it's Friday.
I gave you all week to do a piece on the Lunar New Year,
but you didn't do it.
You failed me!
Both of you are so uninvited to my Kentucky Derby bash.
I'm so disappointed. I wanted you to meet Maury.
What?
So, we cast out our diversity net,
and we found you.
She'd be happy to do it.
- O... kay! - Ohhhh, baby! That's wonderful!
Fantastic!
Have a lovely day!
Bye. Diversity checked.
[GASPS]
What are you gonna do?
You can't promote your book speaking Chinese.
I think you said something about hamburgers.
[SIGHS]
Grandma, with the red envelope you gave me,
I'm only $50 shy of my goal!
I'm getting a subwoofer for my future car.
Get the keys, throw out the spare tire,
and drop in a pair of 12s.
And this package from Big Auntie
holds the lucky money that's gonna put me over the top.
"To Sweet Evan"...
"To Pretty Emery"...
That's weird. Mine's not in there.
Hi, Big Auntie. It's Eddie.
Uh, so, we got your New Year's package,
but you forgot to put in my red envelope.
I didn't forget.
What?
I didn't give you one.
You and I have been in a fight for over a year.
We have? Why?
You know what you did.
[TELEPHONE BEEPS]
Whoa. Emery, you okay?
No.
I went to ask out Celeste.
Why didn't you talk to her?
Girls used to always approach me.
You're only supposed to have bad luck every 12 years,
but I guess mine's never gonna end.
You know, when I was 24,
your grandma told me it was my double-bad-luck year.
I was in a new country, struggling with English,
earning pennies as a busboy.
I could've accepted my destiny of bad luck,
but instead, I did something about it.
What'd you do?
I danced, son.
I entered a dance contest, and I danced hard.
[RAPPING] ♪ I said a hip, hop, hippie, the hippie ♪
♪ Hip hip a hop, and you don't stop to rock it ♪
♪ Do the bang bang boogie, say up jump the boogie ♪
♪ To the rhythm of the boogie, the beat ♪
♪ Now, what you hear is not a test ♪
♪ I'm rappin' to the beat ♪
♪ And me, the groove, and my friends ♪
♪ Are gonna try to move your feet ♪
I won that contest,
and that win snowballed into more good things in my life.
Just like did, you can make your own luck.
And it starts with asking Celeste to the dance.
That's a nice story, Dad.
I just... can't take another rejection.
[SIGHS]
♪ Mmmbop, ba duba dop, ba duba dop ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
[GASPS]
♪ Ba du ♪
As a dentist, it's vital that I test the New Year's candy
and take notes on what I'm up against.
Mmm. Interesting.
[CHUCKLES] EMERY: Dad!
The new TV Guide came,
and my letter to the editor was printed!
- Oh, that's amazing! - So amazing.
I'd given up on it, but maybe my luck is changing.
What's his secret, Lou?
I've sent letters to TV Guide for years.
Well, let's just say his secret is having a dad
- who knows Kenny Rogers. - What do you mean?
Emery was in need of a dance-related confidence boost,
so I had Kenny pull some strings and get his letter published.
I'm still not following.
I got Emery in TV Guide.
How so?
When you're done reading that rag...
The New York Times...
There's an amazing letter to the editor
about "Dharma & Greg" in this TV Guide.
"The writers of 'Dharma & Greg' have done it again.
I can't believe Greg's gonna run for Congress.
Emery Huang, Orlando."
LOUIS: Very insightful, Emery.
Remember what I said about making your own luck?
This letter is just the beginning.
After breakfast, I'm gonna go ask Celeste to the dance.
The Year of the Tiger is here,
and good things are coming my way.
Ride the tiger high and hard.
- To the moon! - Sure.
Thank you, everyone, for coming to tonight's meeting.
We will begin by taking a vote on the new bylaw proposals.
And by the way...
Evan and Jessica.
Thank you for that traditional Chinese response
to my well wishes.
So, Evan has introduced a bylaw proposing that we recognize
Martin Luther King Jr. Day as a neighborhood holiday.
All those in favor?
Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye.
All those opposed?
[GROANS]
And the bylaw passes!
Oh, congratulations, everyone!
Especially all of our African-American friends.
Who... couldn't make it today.
[SIGHS]
I can't figure out what I did to offend Big Auntie.
Could you talk to her for me and ask her what I did wrong?
You are? About what?
Were they?
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
[TELEPHONE BEEPS] Hello?
Louis, I need you to come down to the station.
We have Emery.
[SIGHS] Son, are you okay? What happened?
I'm fine.
I just wanted a big gesture to impress Celeste
before I asked her to the dance.
[DOVES COOING]
[SIREN WAILS]
But I guess Officer Killjoy over here
has never seen anyone dove-up on a lady.
I had no choice but to detain him
for having unpermitted doves.
Doves?
But walking in a mesh tank top with fireworks is okay?
It's Florida. That image was almost our state flag.
ANNOUNCER: This is "Jeopardy!"
Hey, hey, hey!
Thanks for the invite to come by and watch "Jeopardy!"
We've never been invited over via a note
being slid under the door before.
[MARVIN CHUCKLES]
ALEX TREBEK: Used to mark a major division in a sentence,
it shares its name
with a section of your large intestine.
What is, uh, uh...
col-col-colony?
Colon... right.
[LAUGHS] Yeah! I got it right!
Hey, hey, no cheating, you two. [CHUCKLES]
The name of this extinct critter
comes from words meaning "terrible lizard."
What is Godzilla?
Dinosaur... yes.
Oh, man! I'm on fire!
In 1949, mainland China became a communist state
with this man as its leader.
- WOMAN: Who is Mao Zedong? - You're right.
Unh-unh! Nope, nope. Sorry, Evan.
You have to answer in the form of a question.
[MARVIN CHUCKLES]
[GROWLS]
Yeah. "Jeopardy!'s" a tough game, kid.
Hey, live a few years before you take on the big boys!
[CHUCKLES]
Jessica, are you really still doing this?
You're going on TV tomorrow. What are you gonna do?
Emery, we need to have a serious talk...
Which is impossible while you're wearing a mesh tank top.
Look, I know I encouraged you to ride the tiger high and hard,
but this isn't what I had in mind.
I was just making my own luck, like you told me to.
And if Bryson hadn't stopped me,
Celeste would already be my date to the dance.
I'm happy that your confidence is back,
but you're acting like a different person.
You're getting way too cocky.
How is Emery cocky?
You just said your name in the third person!
[SIGHS]
Look, when I won that dance trophy,
my confidence was sky high.
I could've gotten a big head and bragged about it
to everyone I knew, but I didn't.
I remained humble, because that's who I am.
The Emery before your bad-luck year was confident,
but humble, too.
I just want you to be you again.
It's been so long since something good happened to me.
I guess I let it go to my head.
But you're right.
I can be happy with my good luck and still be me.
Ride the tiger low and with measured enthusiasm.
I just saw an episode of "Frasier."
They replaced Eddie the dog with another dog.
What?
And I wrote this letter
to expose that little charade.
And you just got to use your connections
to get it into TV Guide.
Connections?
Dad, you're the reason I got into TV Guide?
[SIGHS]
Relax your fist, Lou.
Receive my letter.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Hey, Celeste? I'm Trent.
You don't know me, but I'm here as an age-appropriate face
so you won't freak out.
Are you freaking out?
Uh... no?
Great.
Okay, Mr. Huang! All good!
Hi! I'm Emery's dad.
[CHUCKLES] Didn't want you to open the door
and find a 40-year-old strange man wanting to talk to you.
[CHUCKLES]
What's happening?
Relax, Celeste.
I'm your age, so that makes all of this normal.
Uh, there's a big dance coming up.
Can you ask my son to go with you?
It would really boost his confidence.
[WHISPERING] Red alert. Red alert.
[WHISPERING] Hush. I'm talking to Celeste.
Bogey on your six. Code blue!
Trent, please!
Dad?
What are you doing here?
I think your dad's asking me to ask you to the dance.
What?
I know this looks bad, but I was just trying to help you.
I don't want your help
You're the one who said we have to make our own luck.
But how can I do that when you're trying to make my luck for me?
[SIGHS]
I know this didn't work out how you hoped, Mr. Huang,
but I still expect the free all-you-can-eat baked potato bar
you promised me.
[FAX MACHINE BEEPING]
Okay, I forged a customs form to prove your package was denied
so Big Auntie will believe your story about sending the seeds.
Then you'll help me figure out why Big Auntie's mad at me?
Cool.
I'm 14.
Yeah, I'm loaded with cat hair.
I don't even know... I don't own a cat.
I can't believe your mom's going through with this.
I mean, is she gonna do the whole interview in Mandarin?
Okay, kid. I'm just gonna mic you up real quick.
Wait. No, no, sir. I don't think he needs to be wired for sound.
Lady, I'm just doing what I was told.
Okay. He's good to go.
Come with me.
[SIGHS] Well played.
You know who the real winner is here?
A child's love for his mother.
And the loser is you.
Okay, I don't need a translator anymore!
Let's get this kid out of here!
That looks like fun. Buy tickets to that.
I thought you didn't speak English.
Must be a Lunar New Year miracle.
So, at the end of the interview,
I would like to address the camera
to speak directly to Connie Chung.
I've been way out of line the past few days.
Getting that win at the dance contest changed my life,
and I badly wanted to give you the same victory.
Doesn't make what you did okay.
I know.
I felt so good after the contest
because I made the choice to go for it and make my own luck.
I should've encouraged you to do the same thing,
instead of manipulating things to make it happen.
I'm sorry.
This always brought me good luck.
Maybe it'll do the same for you.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Guys!
You paid off the judge?
I never thought of it that way.
I'm gonna tell Dad I forgive him.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
Hey, Celeste.
I'm sorry about yesterday with my dad.
That's okay.
Dads are weird.
Mine says "We needed it" every time it rains.
I was wondering...
would you go to the Spring Fling with me?
Yeah. I'd like that.
Dad!
Celeste said "yes"! The jacket worked!
Yes! I knew it! [CHUCKLES]
Ooh. Okay, now you need some moves to go with that jacket.
Now, this is the Louis Special.
You start out like th...
No, these aren't the right pants for this.
Boom!
So, did you ask why she and I are in a fight?
So she blamed both of us when the seeds didn't arrive.
Subwoofer, here I come!
What? Why?
[SIGHS]
sync and corrected by ninh www.addic7ed.com