You ready?
- How am I doing? - Sure you want to know?
"Does your boyfriend always get his way?"
Yes.
"Does he admit when he's wrong?"
Never.
Does your boyfriend know how to build a fire with no matches?
Answer is D, who cares.
- A, yes. Very well. - Sorry, that question's not on here.
- It should be in there. - Sorry. So you're still zero.
- No! - Yeah!
Never put your hat on the bed, son Never put your hat on the bed
Cuz if your hat's on the bed You might wake up dead
So don't you never put your hat on the bed
Always keep an edge on your knife, son Always keep an edge on your knife
Cuz a good sharp edge Is a man's best hedge
Against the vague uncertainties of life
Yes, a good sharp edge Is a man's best hedge
Against the uncertain vagaries of life
- Get your hands on the wheel. - But I never could sharpen no knife
Like the one give the advice
Yodel-aye, yodel-aye, yodel-ooh
Never sell the old.22...
- Hello? - Hey.
- Just give me a second, will you? - Yeah, sure.
- How you doin'? - Good, good, good.
We're reserved under Louis.
- What's the name? - Alex Louis.
Yeah, sign in here. You're ready to go.
Your canoe will be right down there by the water.
- Bring it back Monday at five. - That's right, back to work Tuesday.
- Need a map? - No, I'm good.
- You don't want a map? - No. No. I know this park well.
It's kinda end of the season, right?
I mean, the weather can change on you... just turn on a dime.
- Less people. - Amen to that.
You mind me askin' you, Mr. No Map, where you're headed?
Blackfoot Trail. I can't wait to show her.
It's her first time here. It's gonna be awesome.
I got some bad news for you, I'm really sorry about this
but Blackfoot Trail's closed for the season.
- Why? - Had to.
I mean, so many yahoos, you know,
trampin' around there, disrespecting everything. This is a treasured site.
I don't have to tell you I guess. And Parks and Recreation want to keep it that way.
Look, going to Blackfoot Trail is kinda the whole point of this trip.
It's 500 bucks if you're caught up there. Each.
That'll be a 1000 bucks expensive little camping trip.
Alright.
- Jenn, you ready? - Yeah.
Hang on. Hey, rodeo, here's your medical kit and there's a whistle in there,
try to bring that back and I'll try not to charge you.
Thousand bucks?
You're pretty good.
- Bye. You have a nice trip. - Thanks.
- Really? - Last one.
- Come on, babe. - No, this is really important.
You know, we've been waiting forever for this. I'm... just...
They're all important. Can't wait till we get back?
Okay, I'm done. Okay?
- Alright. I don't believe you, but... - Well, putting it away, so it's...
Hang on, hang on. Let's take a picture. Just to mark the departure.
- Put it to good use, right? - Fine. Okay.
Ready?
- Good. - Yeah. One of us looks good.
Alright.
- Hey, have a good one. - Thanks a lot.
- Fuck! - You okay?
Fuck, fuck that... fuckin' hurt like a bitch.
You sure you're okay?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'll just walk it off.
This is for you.
You look scared anyway. Feel safe.
I probably won't need it.
Got it taken care of already.
- Look what I got. - When did you get that?
- I got it a few days ago. - You're not gonna need it.
Do you wanna have a good time on this trip or do you want me to be freaking out?
- This is what makes me feel safe. - Okay. Okay.
Well, if you can have it, it's useless in your bag. Give it to me. Thanks.
Just gonna clip it to your belt, alright?
And you're not gonna need it.
Bear spray.
Wonder what other goodies you have in there.
- Nothin'. - Let's see.
I don't have anything in there. Hey, there's nothing.
- Come on. - What?
- Seriously? This is a road flare. - I know what it is.
Yeah. This is for when your car breaks down on the side of the highway.
You know this. I know you know this.
Jenn, come on, if you wanted a flare, I could've picked up a pen flare.
They sell them at any camping store.
- Here's your flare. - Thank you.
- You ready? - Think so.
Okay.
Oh, my God.
- You good? - Yes.
What, sorry, what?
Jenn, you know we'd be lucky to see anything bigger than a chipmunk, right?
- Hi. - Hey.
No!
Hey, look at that. That's cute.
We should take it.
- Here's a good spot. - Yeah.
Counselor, back up, please.
- Tryin' to turn me on right now? - Is it working?
Oh, yeah. It's pretty hot.
Speaking of...
do you remember the little swimming hole we walked by?
- Nope, I don't. No. - Really?
- You said you would. - I didn't say that.
- Yes, you did. - I said maybe.
No, no, no. You said yes. Come on, babes.
No. It's like when you say, "Do you want to order Chinese food tonight?"
And I go, "Maybe," and then we get Italian.
It's like that.
- I'm gonna be all lonely by myself. - Well, no one's making you do this.
Stop it!
Oh, my God, please. What if there's...
Don't leave me hangin', babe.
Okay, okay. Fine.
- You ready? - No.
Come on.
5... 4... 3, 2, 1!
- Jenn, come on! - No!
It's freezing.
I'm gonna get some more wood before it gets too dark.
- Okay, I'll come help you. - No, no, I'll be back in a second.
Okay. Yeah.
Hello.
How long have you been...
At this time...
- What? - No, I mean...
- Really? - Yeah.
Hey. This is Alex. Alex this is Brad.
- Brad, right? - Yeah. Hi, how are you?
I'm good. Thanks.
- Were you just walkin' by or... - Oh, yeah, I was comin' up the trail
and I ran into your friend here and she invited me over for a chat.
Yeah. Turns out that he also kind of grew up in a park, the woods.
And he's got a ton of fish so I thought maybe we could all have dinner tonight.
Couldn't eat 'em all if I wanted to. I mean, I could try, but...
I just gotta put a shirt on, alright?
- Okay. - Yeah.
So you were sayin'...
- Jenn? - Yeah?
- Would you come help me here for a sec? - Sure.
- What's up? - Come on in.
Okay.
- What's goin' on? - You comfortable with this?
- What? Him? - Yeah, I don't know, this guy could be...
I was talkin' to him for, like, 10 minutes. He's great.
- He's great. Well, he's a liar. - Why is he a liar?
Woods? What, the woods of Ireland?
- Come on, come on. - What does that have to do with anything?
Did you invite him or he invited himself?
I did.
- You want me to uninvite him? - No, we can't do that.
- I can do that. It'd be really awkward. - You'd never be able to do that. I know you.
- What do you need help with? - I obviously don't need help.
I guess it wasn't obvious because... you told me to come in here.
You know, I don't wanna bother you all, so...
Probably better if I just be on my way and... have a nice trip.
- No, no, no. Stay. - No, no, no. You're gonna stay...
and you're gonna have some dinner with us.
- Yeah? - Of course.
It was just... it was just a misunderstanding, that's all.
Well, alright, then. Let's do it.
You wanted fish.
I thought it was illegal to fish these lakes.
Grandfather law.
So that's when... like an old law applies to existing situations
but then a new one applies to all the future ones?
- I know what a grandfather law is. - Okay. Sorry.
- Lawyer. - Yeah, I got that.
What about you, Alex? What do you do?
Well... right now I'm...
My buddy has a landscaping business so I'm... I'm working with him.
Are you Mexican?
I didn't mean anything by that.
I just thought that's a job that the Mexicans do here.
Well, what he does is pretty high end.
And actually he's starting a new company soon, so...
It's great. He's really talented.
Well done you, Alex.
- Trout looks good. - It does, right?
Yeah, and lucky for me if I cannot find any fish I got a license to kill a deer.
Oh, cool.
Fuck me tryin' to get a license for that these days.
You guys have anything we can cook for sides with these?
Yeah, you know, I could...
- Maybe fry the veggies or potatoes? - Yeah, veggies sound good.
- Okay. - Well, I say the potatoes.
Why don't we do both?
You know, Alex...
let's eat the potatoes.
I'll get 'em.
So you're Irish?
- County Tipperary. - Is that near Mexico?
That's a good one. Actually south of Dublin.
What do you do for a livin' out here?
I give backcountry Eco tours to tourists that want...
you know, like a deeper experience of the wilderness you know,
somethin' more than campin' in a parking lot.
Yeah? That's cool.
I mean, you and Jenn are doin' it so it must be cool, right?
How much would somethin' like that cost?
I wouldn't know.
You don't know how much it costs?
I only know how much they pay me, Alex.
Okay, so they're already parboiled, we just need to put 'em on for a few minutes.
Hang on.
Oh, my...
I'm sorry.
Alright, then. Let's see what we've got here.
- I can do that. - No, I got it.
This smells delicious.
Yeah. There's, garlic, rosemary and there's some thyme.
- You're a luck man, Alex. - I know.
So what are your plans?
You guys gonna do some amazing hikes, see some spots, what?
- I think we can... - You know, we live really hectic lives
so I think we're just gonna... relax. Stay around here for a few days.
- Yep. - Alright.
You're really grabbin' life by the balls, Alex, aren't ya?
I'm just sayin'.
You know, if... if I had a beautiful woman here like Jenn, I'd...
wanna take her to some spots that weren't on the... the tourist trail, right?
As a matter of fact, Jenn...
there is this absolutely gorgeous waterfall, I mean, really beautiful.
- You've probably been there, right, Alex? - Yeah, totally.
Then you know which side of the waterfall to climb down on.
The right side.
Right side.
- Good guess, Alex. - I wasn't guessing.
You see these tourists are always tryin' to go down the left side.
I mean, they think it's safer. Fuckin' idiots!
There's also a...
it's frozen... frozen arrow.
In Blackfoot Trail.
I mean, if it were me...
I'd want to take you to all those spots.
You sure you don't need a guide?
I already have one.
Let's eat.
Alright.
- That was fun. - Yeah, thanks for the fish.
Alright.
Well, now, I'm ready. Cheers.
Goodnight.
Say, Alex...
you know, earlier...
you said something.
It was a misunderstanding.
You wanna explain that to me?
- It was nothing. - Come on, he's a big boy.
Let him answer.
It's just a funny thing to say.
What'd you mean by it?
I'm not sure I understand what you're getting at.
Oh, yes, you do.
What... was the misunderstanding?
Is it important?
I won't be fuckin' askin' if it wasn't.
- It's on me, okay. I was just... - Jenn.
Well, I come back here...
and I find my girlfriend talkin' to this guy...
and I'm not sure it's a good idea.
That's all.
I mean, I don't know you.
So what was the misunderstanding?
You can be some nut.
She convinced me otherwise.
Like I said, Alex...
you're a lucky guy.
I'm sorry.
Jenn, I...
- I think you dropped something. - I got it.
Thanks.
Why don't you invite him to the house next time. That'd be fun.
I said I'm sorry.
- Should we worry about him? - What's that?
Should we worry about him comin' back, or I don't know...
No, he's just... he's just weird.
But I'm bringing my axe. And I'm gonna sleep with it
in case your fuckin' dinner guest wants to come back for... dessert or something.
You're mad.
- Jenn, I don't understand you. - What?
You invite a total stranger to eat dinner with us our first night on this trip.
Okay, I... I didn't know what to do.
I was just being kind.
I'm sorry.
Just stay here. If he turns around and comes back, you yell for me.
Oh, my God.
That smells amazing.
Thank you.
Remember the survey that we took on the way over here?
The first question was about...
how many times your boyfriend has made breakfast in bed for you?
- Remember that? - Really?
Yeah, and I had to write zero. I guess I'll have to change that from zero to one.
One?
- Was it really zero? - Yeah.
- You embarrassed? - Little bit.
- This isn't even in bed... - Believe me this counts.
Thank you.
What is it about this place that's so amazing?
- Blackfoot Trail? - Yeah. Why's it called that anyway?
The local tribes called it that because when the trail ends
it circles around this really small lake. And the earth around the lake is black.
So when they hunted they followed animal tracks in the black earth
and called it Blackfoot Trail.
So what's the lake called?
- I don't know. - Seriously?
No, no, no, picture it, picture it, picture it, alright?
You come up this steep rocky trail
and then all of a sudden it levels off and it's this beautiful, pristine lake.
When I was a kid this was my favorite place in the whole world.
Now it looks so out of place that high up.
It's like out of some fantasy novel or something, you know.
Yeah, I have a feeling your geeky side is about to come out.
- What geeky side? - What geeky side?
The one that made me watch "Legend" four times.
"Just wait for the part where Tom Cruise is waiting by the lake
for the big white unicorn to come out."
It's an awesome scene. What are you talking about?
Yeah, indeed.
All good?
Yeah.
Of course, you're going that way.
This is the way.
Fuck.
Let me see it.
Alex, it's disgusting.
It's pretty bad.
- Oh, fuck! - Are you ready?
Sorry.
That's not good.
- To think you're laughing about it. - Oh, why not?
Just don't touch the toe. Don't touch... Here, let me... let me finish it.
- It looks... it looks okay. - It looks terrible.
- What you got there? - You could use some new socks.
- Stupid place. - Oh, thanks, babes.
Okay.
Alex.
Alex. Alex.
Alex, get up. Listen.
- What? - Just listen. What is that?
What?
- Someone's throwing shit at our tent. - What?
Just listen.
- What is that? - That?
Oh, that's acorns.
Just fallin' from the trees on our tent. It's fine. Just go back to sleep.
That's not an acorn.
What is it?
- Do you think it's him? - Let's just listen for a bit, okay?
Fuck! I swear, now you got me all paranoid.
Maybe he came back. He's throwing stones at the tent or something stupid.
No, no, no, it could be anything.
Whatever it is, it stopped.
So, let's just go back to sleep, okay? It's fine.
It stopped.
That wasn't there last night, was it?
No.
I wanna go home. I don't wanna be here anymore.
- Jenn, come on, don't overreact, okay? - An acorn did that?
Come on, I've waited so long for this trip.
We're here and when you get there,
you'll love it.
I promise.
Yeah, okay.
- Can you do this for me? - Yes.
- Thank you. - Alright.
She's a very good artist. I have no idea why you don't give her a chance.
- What do you mean? - And she's a great performer.
You know, it's just not my thing.
- I don't... - Oh, hey.
Hang on a second.
What?
This is wintergreen.
And you can eat this.
Tastes like spearmint gum.
- You want some? - No.
- You sure? - Yes. An animal probably peed on it.
Your loss.
What's that smell?
It's nothin'.
Babe.
Oh, my God. Alex!
I mean, what...
No.
Oh, God. Get off me.
Oh, my God.
I found it!
Thank God!
What is so funny?
Looks like you have a little piece of poo on your face.
- Yeah, 'cause I just fell down on it. - You fell? You okay?
I'm fine. Shouldn't we be saving that or something?
No, we've got plenty of water at the lake. I brought the drops.
Here.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
- This is it? - Yeah, just up there.
It's a real bitch to get up, isn't it?
I know. But it's worth it.
- Alright. - Come on!
- I'm comin'. - Come on!
Come on!
Alex...
Where's the lake?
I can't believe this.
- Alex... This can't be it, right? - I don't... I don't understand.
Fuck! I was sure. I was, like, a fucking 100% sure. I was...
- Can you look at me, please? - Just let me think. Just let me think.
Let me think. Let me think.
Fuck! God damn it! What the fuck is this?
Please tell me you have a map in your bag.
- I never needed a map. - Oh, we do now.
I don't have one.
- So, then, where are we? - I obviously don't know, right?
But you said that you've done this, like, so many times...
You said it was, like, a few years ago you did this.
Yeah, I've been to the park a bunch of times!
The trail, Alex. You said you did the trail.
Yeah.
Not since high school, but...
- It's not... - I put it here. I...
I put it right here.
It's not...
- I took it out. - What?
Your phone. I took it out.
Where is it?
- In the car. - Why would you do that?
I didn't want you on that thing the whole time when we're here.
I didn't reach for that once. I wanted to bring it in case we needed it.
Which we do.
- You can't get reception out here anyway... - Well, I would have loved to try.
When was the last time you were sure of where you were?
- I was sure the whole time. - No. Think, Alex.
When was it?
I don't...
- Maybe the fork in the trail - The first one, the second one?
First one.
- Are you serious? - Just... come on, don't freak out.
I don't want to be freaking out right now.
But we are in the middle of fucking nowhere.
We don't have anything. We don't have a map. We don't have a cell phone.
We don't have anything. We haven't seen anyone in so long!
- This is... it's okay. - Why...
Why did we have to come so far on my first camping trip?
Why couldn't it just have been a regular trip?
- Why do you always have to show off? - I'm not showing off...
- Why do you always try to impress me? - I'm not trying to impress you.
'Cause I'm not fucking impressed right now!
Good!
- I'm not trying to fucking impress you! - Alex, could we be honest for a second?
I'd love to be honest for once.
I wish I never came. This whole thing was a mistake.
- Come on, Jenn, don't... - And we should be going home tomorrow.
But you fucked it up.
You always fuck it all up. You're such a fucking loser.
The stupid lake! Why did we have to come here?
I don't even care why.
Why?
I was gonna propose to you.
God!
I'm really sorry.
I had no idea.
It's okay.
We should probably make camp.
We're going tomorrow.
- Okay. - Okay.
Sounds good.
- Was that a... - No, no, no, no. It was a raccoon.
- You can tell me the truth. - No, I saw the little shit last night.
Shit.
- Is this right? - Yeah.
We just need to take a turn at that overgrown trail.
- Didn't seem this far down. - No, we're good. We're good.
Watch your step. Watch your step there.
- Sh... shit. - Should we go back?
I don't know.
What are the chances this leading to something?
Pretty good. Right, it's provincial park. It's gotta lead somewhere.
Here.
Thank you.
What is that?
Bear bed.
Okay.
Let's go as far as we can before dark.
Right?
Come on.
Let's go, Alex.
I'm so sorry.
Did you mean those things you said?
No, I didn't.
'Cause, Jenn, I mean, if that's what you feel abo...
No.
I should have never said that.
I was just really mad.
I'm sorry.
I love you.
Do you wanna see it?
The ring?
Yeah.
If you want to.
No, no, no, no, don't. No. Actually, just...
wait.
Okay.
So hungry.
I think I... I think I have half a protein bar left in here.
And this is all we have? This is it?
Yeah.
Oh, wait a second.
Except for...
Ta-da.
Come on.
- Really? - Yeah.
- You want some? - Yeah.
Straight top.
You first.
Okay.
To us.
That is so good. Have some. It's great.
That is good.
I know this sucks.
Could be worse.
How is that?
At least we're together.
I mean it.
Come here.
What is that, Alex?
I don't know.
Alex, do you think it's a bear?
Hey!
- Is it gone? - Let's get back in the tent.
Okay.
Okay. Let's go.
It's okay.
We scared it off. We're good.
Okay? We're good.
- Hi. - Hi.
So, I was thinking...
that I should phone down in the front desk and order us some room service.
Maybe a couples massage?
Deep tissues.
We're gonna be okay.
I know.
We should get going, okay?
What? Alex.
- What? - Stay quiet.
- You're scaring me. What? - Stay quiet. Stay quiet.
Did he come back?
What the fuck is he doing?
- Did it come back? Is it outside? - Yeah.
Please move on. Please move on. Please move on.
- Oh, fuck! - What?
- Fuck! Fuck! - Is it out there? Did it come back?
What do we do? We don't even have food in here.
I know. Where's my axe?
- What the fuck! Where's my axe? - You put in your bag?
I left my bag by the fire.
I cannot believe this is happening. What do we do?
We don't even have food in here.
Alex.
Alex!
Get behind me! Get behind me!
Get the fuck out!
Get the fuck out! Just get out!
Spray it!
I'm gonna wrap it. I know, just...
Okay. Okay, okay.
It's okay. It's okay.
I'm gonna wrap it.
- It's okay. - Jenn. Jenn, I can't feel my foot.
It's okay. It's okay.
- I can't feel my foot. - I'm gonna get you out of here.
We're gonna crawl out of here if we have to. You hear me?
- My God! I'm gonna fucking die out here! - No, you're not!
- I'm gonna fucking die! - Alex! You're fine!
Alex, you're gonna be fine.
- No! - Alex!
Run, Jenn! Run!
Help!
Help! Anybody!
Help! Help!
Fuck!